Sunday, September 4, 2011Zombie Survival Guide 3: Places to Avoid at 11:15 AM
Ok, let’s get down to serious brass tacks here. Ogden is not a haven for the weak, or the craven, or those that feel that they are somewhere above the rest of us. Those that feel that they have the ability to survive, are in for a very unpleasant surprise.
The Zombie Menace does not, and will not discriminate, and they will walk (not run) over the entire populous in a very quick, wildfire action, unless we protect, and educate ourselves. As I have always believed, the first and most important thing is education. Today...We begin that process.
In the first 24 hours of a major zombie outbreak, we find ourselves in the most crucial section of containment. This is the period of time that we find ourselves needing to be the most cautious, and yet we also need to be the most daring. A zombie outbreak is nothing more than a virus with two major factors involved.
First, it is fast acting, and 100% lethal. If you are infected, you will die.
Second, it has a contagion that we do not yet fully understand. The most obvious means of infection is through the bite, but we also have some reports of the virus also surviving in the air long enough to infect through contact with blood.
There are places that humans will usually end up going to, by one means or another, in these first 24 hours, when there is panic, chaos, and the entire world seems to be running amok. These are places that you, faithful reader, will want to avoid at all costs.
First, you will want to stay away from hospitals, at ALL costs.
McKay-Dee Hospital is the biggest, and baddest place on this entire list that you will want to avoid. If you find yourself in an ambulance, or squad car for any reason heading to this place, you need to be prepared to fight hard, and fast to get the hell out of there. Every single person in that initial period that is bitten by another person, or attacked, or hurt during that time, not to mention all the staff and patients that are there currently. That is a very large amount of people, that within twenty-four hours will be zed heads, roaming around ready to eat your face off.
With Ogden Regional Medical Center, and several smaller IHC clinics, doctor’s offices in strip malls, there are several major areas that can produce zombies very, VERY fast.
Second on the list is places of worship. Anyone who has a belief in a merciful, loving deity, will more likely than not, turn to their deity in a time that seems that it could be the end of the world. There are so many different, and amazing places for worship in Ogden that I won’t spend much time talking about individual ones too much...But to give you an idea...
The Ogden LDS Temple, on 22nd, the Episcopal Church of the Good Shepard, the Unitarian Universalist Church, St. Joseph’s, Elim Lutheran, Trinity Presbyterian, Second Baptist, not including all of the smaller locations, and the various LDS church houses in every neighborhood. It seems in end times, the fear of the unknown is only trumped by the fear of our gods. Beware everyone, these places will be jam packed with people looking for salvation. But, by the end of the first few days, you might as well put a Chuck-a-Rama sign outside each one of them.
The last place that will have a major impact within the first few, crucial, hours are all of the police stations in the area. Of course, faithful readers, I am sure that some of you know quite well where your local police station is...(Shame on you), the rest of us may not be so sure. With there being the county sheriff’s department, and several city police stations for Ogden, South Ogden, Riverdale, etc...there will be ample opportunity for you to be bitten there as well. These are the places that the unsuspecting police officers will be rounding up all of the perpetrators who are walking around biting people, looting, and running bat-shit crazy through the streets professing the end of the world. Remember guys, keep a level head, and don’t do anything stupid. There are still people upholding the law in the first few weeks, so don’t do anything that can get you put here. I can imagine nothing worse than starving to death over a few weeks period in a steel cage, with hundreds, if not thousands of zombies on the other side, reaching in, trying to eat me.
Don’t be dumb, faithful readers...Remember, WWJD?
What would Jeff do?
Rock over London,
Rock on Chicago,
Foldgers, good to the last drop.
Now, here is what is going on today...
Art house cinema 502
158 Historic 25th St.
Ogden’s premier art house cinema. Join us for candy, popcorn, and a cold Coke in our small intimate theatre with limited seating with a personal touch on historic 25th Street in Ogden. 158 Historic 25th St, Ogden, UT 84401
5:35 Terribly Happy
7:25 Battleship Potemkin
FREE Teazers Texas Hold-Em
366 36th Street Ogden, UT 84405-1622 (801) 395-1517
Free Texas Hold-em Every Tue, Wed and Sunday! Multiple Tournaments and Cash Prizes.
Ogden Raptors vs. Idaho Falls Chukars
Lindquist Field, 2330 Lincoln Avenue
Come on out to the ballpark tonight in downtown Ogden to watch America’s Pasttime at it’s finest, and most fun. Watch your very own Ogden Raptors work through the end of the season. With cheap seats ($5-$12), it’s amazing fun for the whole family.
Karaoke with Jackson, the Karaoke Dude!
The Summit Lounge in Layton (yes, it’s not Ogden, BUT it’s my friend Jackson)
918 Heritage Park Blvd. Layton, UT
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